Depression is a sneaky thing. It comes back when you least expect and for me, it comes back hard. I’ve had it long enough to realize when I’m staying in bed too long and when my body starts being more sore and my bed seems better than literally anything else. Suddenly even little things I love become huge tasks.
I want to do so much but my mind thinks that there’s nothing to do. And there’s little things I can do like try jogging or something but I really can’t get myself to do it. I knew it was inevitable after graduating since that was a big event. I just didn’t think it would truly come back months later. I’ve been watching motivational videos and atleast trying to make something of today.
I’ll figure it out. Sometimes I have to let change in to curb depression. I have to be willing to change my routine, make those therapy appointments, and pull myself away. Depression is the friend you cut off but they still manage to linger. It’s about time I start breaking ties and find myself again. I feel so removed from what my body and soul was before meeting depression. It hurts me looking back. I know I’ve changed, I’ve grown so much, I’m just ready to create more despite this huge hurdle.
Maybe little steps are more important right now. I have to make sure I do get up on time regardless of failed efforts, I need to find something that uplifts me everyday and get outside my room, I need to make appointments no matter how unwilling I am to see someone new. I’ve grown so used to how things were and have to let my new reality in. I’ll see how that goes.