It’s okay to not be okay

Lately I’ve been feeling completely miserable. I’m finally honest with myself about how different these past couple of months have been. I have in a sense had to censor myself while being back home. Living with my best friends at school, I could freely be myself. I could crack jokes and they’d understand them. I could be messy and emotional and I’d be easily understood. But at home it’s like I know I’m not alone but I feel alone.  As much as school did stress me out, I really miss the company. I feel like I’ve been so silent. And I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been depressed but it really dawned on me yesterday how silent I feel. I don’t really voice what’s upsetting me until it explodes out.

Sometimes we use self care too late. Sometimes we gotta be okay with not being okay until you feel better, until you start making the necessary actions in order for “better” to be a possibility. Facing depression again after not having it is like facing it for the very first time. Whoever’s going through the same thing, don’t freak out about how different you are. Do what you gotta do to get help, to create a healthier version for yourself.

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